[video]
This facebook post made me laugh out loud today at work. Makes me think of Jesus swimming around in a big coffee cup.
Poop Fart
- - - -
Listen up. I know the shit you’ve been saying behind my back. You think I’m stupid. You think I’m immature. You think I’m a malformed, pathetic excuse for a font. Well think again, nerdhole, because I’m Comic Sans, and I’m the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.
You don’t like that your coworker used me on that note about stealing her yogurt from the break room fridge? You don’t like that I’m all over your sister-in-law’s blog? You don’t like that I’m on the sign for that new Thai place? You think I’m pedestrian and tacky? Guess the fuck what, Picasso. We don’t all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can’t all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry some people like to have fun. Sorry I’m standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest. Maybe sometime you should take off your black turtleneck, stop compulsively adjusting your Tumblr theme, and lighten the fuck up for once.
People love me. Why? Because I’m fun. I’m the life of the party. I bring levity to any situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh message about restroom etiquette? SLAM. There I am. Need to spice up the directions to your graduation party? WHAM. There again. Need to convey your fun-loving, approachable nature on your business’ website? SMACK. Like daffodils in motherfucking spring.
When people need to kick back, have fun, and party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair, I’m banging the prom queen behind the woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the clarinet, I’m shredding “Reign In Blood” on my double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is refilling his allergy prescriptions, I’m racing my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic against Tokyo gangsters who’ll kill me if I don’t cross the finish line first. I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.
It doesn’t even matter what you think. You know why, jagoff? Cause I’m famous. I am on every major operating system since Microsoft fucking Bob. I’m in your signs. I’m in your browsers. I’m in your instant messengers. I’m not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking nature and I will not rest until every uptight armchair typographer cock-hat like you is surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired, sans-serif badassery.
Enough of this bullshit. I’m gonna go get hammered with Papyrus.
Who shaves a baby?? And it looks as though you would have to spend quite a long time on the crotch!
Why do I love The Hills so much? It is an addiction that I can’t understand, but I just go with. I can’t relate to the characters at all, but I just LOVE them and want to follow their every move! Way to go MTV for creating such a time sucking obsession! I’m sad Lauren is off the show. I sent a picture of her hair to the hair dresser for my sister’s wedding. I love LC!
I just watched the newest episode and WTF is up with Stacy the bartender hanging out with Kristen. WTF!!!??? How did she weasel her way into being a part of the show?
I also LOVE LOVE LOVE The City!!!!
Sports can be for all sorts of animals.
(via johnwilkestooth)
[video]
Heehee!
Today is national Junk Food Day. We have had 2 (yes 2!) meetings at work about this day. The main subject of conversation was whether we have junk food out and graze all day, or if we have an hour where we pig out. I think it is a scam made up by Hershey or Lays and is forced upon us by the corporation I work for which is somehow connected to a company that sells junk food. Why else would we celebrate it at work, and have 2 meetings about it? Something’s fishy—fried fishy!